Why I Hate Reviews
When I began my journey as a companion, I wasn’t aware that reviews of my services existed. After a couple months in the business several well-meaning clients urged me to check out my reviews. I clicked on the link and to my surprise, there were several anonymous accounts of clients’ experiences with me. I wasn’t able to read “the rest of the story” – the details of the encounter. But I could see my name, contact info, location, physical description and whether I received a “yes” or “no” recommendation. From this point on I was very aware that I was being reviewed. It didn’t occur to me that I could request not to be reviewed. The vast majority of my reviews were positive, and typically resulted in increased requests for bookings. Sometimes I was able to determine the writer’s identity by the day/time/length of booking. Other times I wondered if perhaps the reviewer got the date wrong, or had not actually seen me. Several reviews I was sure were completely fabricated – an hour outcall to Lockport for $90? I would pay more for the Uber than I would make on that date! An 11 inch cock in my ass? Not physically possible. I quickly realized that there was little I could do to dispute or defend myself against fake or exaggerated reviews and the resulting comments. It was frustrating and degrading, but it was a necessary evil, or so I thought.
When I came back to sex work after a year long hiatus in the winter of 2020, the industry had changed. Twitter, which was just gaining momentum as a platform for sex workers in 2018 (at least in upstate NY), had become a major hub for sex work culture. Unlike ever before, sex workers from around the country and even the world were able to communicate, commiserate, and express their opinions on a public platform. Prior to this, my interaction with other providers was limited to the anemic “ladies’ forums” of review boards, brief conversations when exchanging references, and anonymous posts on Reddit. Twitter changed that – sex workers had a collective voice; and my feed was filled with providers renouncing “review board culture”, which I had grown to resent for violating my privacy and cultivating misinformation. I decided that I didn’t want to be reviewed anymore, and adopted a “no review policy”. I wondered if this change would have a negative impact on my business. One year later, I am confident in my decision. Reviews are not beneficial to me as a provider, and they are not as beneficial to you, the client, as you may think. Let me explain.
Reviews supposedly benefit the provider by increasing her exposure and leading to more business opportunities. Even after a negative review a provider will likely experience a spike in booking requests! While reviews may lead to an overall increase in bookings, there is no guarantee that potential clients will pass screening or be a good fit for the provider. The saying “there’s no such thing as bad publicity” holds some truth. However, so does the saying “not all money is good money”.
When a review reports a provider offering “bbfs” (unprotected sex) or implies she is a drug user, review board members joke that “her phone will be ringing off the hook”. Unfortunately this is somewhat accurate. Lurking among the newbies, regulars, and hobbyists are predators. These predators seek out women who appear desperate and vulnerable, hoping they will be easier to manipulate and control. So a review may lead to more business, but not necessarily good business. A fake or inaccurate review can also misdirect clients to a provider who doesn’t offer the activity they are seeking. Last spring a fictional review stated that I offered unprotected anal sex. I received multiple texts and emails in the following weeks, “hey, I see u do anal. Raw ok?” This was a waste of my time and the requesters’ time. Once they discovered I did not offer anal or unprotected services, they were not interested in seeing me.
In the era of social media and content creation sites such as Onlyfans, it is possible for providers to reach a wide audience without relying on reviews. These platforms give providers the opportunity to interact with prospective clients virtually; and allow both provider and client to get a feel for each other before setting up a meeting in person. Personally, I would rather meet a man who is drawn to my content on Twitter or Tryst than a guy who wants to see me because JoeBlow69 reported that I give a great blowjob.
If reviews are supposed to be helpful to the provider, please, do me a favor and don’t try to help me. But let’s assume that reviews are only for the benefit of the clients. The potential for dangerous situations is a reality for clients; some say they rely on reviews to keep them safe. In an industry that is largely underground, reports from other clients are a quick way to find out if a companion looks like her pictures, does what she says she will, and be safe and accommodating. A provider may say she is a 22 year old college student who provides upscale service in a safe location. But just as all potential clients maintain that they are attractive, safe, and good in bed, all providers promise you that they are a 5 star experience. You cannot necessarily take people at their word in this industry. I understand that. Here’s the thing: reviews are anonymous, subjective, and one-sided, and they don’t really keep you safe.
Reviews are anonymous - anyone can create an account and write one without revealing their identity. Without knowing who the writer is, it is impossible to determine whether they have seen the companion or not. Why would someone make up a review? Tons of reasons! Maybe they want the credit to read other reviews; in fact the incentivized write-to-read system encourages this. Most review boards only allow members to read the “rest of the story” details after they have written a review themselves, or paid a premium. This can present a dilemma for men who haven’t seen a provider but want to get the scoop before they book. Because there isn’t a system in place to verify the validity of reviews, it is all too easy for someone to simply make one up to gain access to the rest of the site. If the provider complains, she is chastised or even banned - how could she possibly know she didn’t see this man, unless someone leaked the review to her?
Reviews are fabricated for less innocent reasons. Maybe a companion turned someone down and they want to get revenge. A jealous client could give his favorite provider a negative review to discourage other suitors. Or it could be as petty as someone being quarantined, bored, and wanting to stir up some drama. Men aren’t the only culprits when it comes to fake reviews - it’s not unheard of for providers to write reviews under a “mandle” - an account where they pose as a male client - to generate business for themselves or disparage the competition. Not all fake reviews are “no” recommendations either. People assume that if a provider disputes a review, it must have been negative. Personally, I have found more inaccuracies in “yes” reviews than “no” reviews! Just because I get a “yes” recommendation doesn’t mean that I agree with the reported events or that the encounter even happened. And to the guys getting their panties in a bunch that reviews are leaked to providers: it happens all the time, often anonymously. If you don’t want us to read what you write, don’t write it!
Reviews are subjective. The recommendation of “yes” or “no” is based entirely on the writer’s standards, and there isn’t universal criteria for what constitutes a positive vs. negative recommendation. Review board members complain about this all the time: “I want to smack whoever gave Teagan all those yes reviews!” Consider this: perhaps a budding hobbyist has had several negative experiences. The first lady stiffed him, the second lady’s pictures were ten years old, the third lady lay there like a dead fish. On his fourth try, the provider shows up late but clearly is the woman from the ad. She isn’t made up like in her pictures, her hygiene “down there” could use some improvement, and he hears someone in another room at her incall. However she is friendly and enthusiastic, and he gets off twice in the allotted time. Compared to his previous experiences, this is a major improvement.
When he writes the review he skips over the hygiene issues and the person in the other room, instead focusing on how friendly and enthusiastic she was. He even made her cum two times! You have seen several reputable companions in the area but are in the mood for something new. You read this and think, that sounds like a great experience. I will go check her out. Your regular providers are freshly showered, alone at their incalls, friendly, and engaged in your dates. You expect this new lady will be on par with your standards, based on what you read. It takes a bit of work to set up the meeting, and she isn’t as responsive as you are used to. You gloss that over, visions of multiple orgasms dancing in your head. When you arrive and she opens the door, your stomach sinks a little. It’s the lady from the ad, but she looks unkempt and is wearing pajama bottoms instead of the sexy lingerie in her pictures. She leads you upstairs and you hear a TV in the other room. “Are we alone?” you ask. “Oh, that’s my brother, he won’t bother us”. You are uneasy but the sunk cost fallacy prevails and you follow her up the stairs. You have invested too much in this to back out now. When she takes off her pants the smell almost knocks you out. Now you’re mad. How could someone give her a ‘yes’???? Because, my friend, to someone else she is a yes.
Reviews are one-sided. Consider this: you are browsing your local review board and come across a “no” recommendation. According to the review, the provider was rude and her service sucked – she kept her lips closed when her ad said she offered DFK (deep french kissing), she only wanted to do one position, and she rushed the writer out as soon as he was done. She sounds like a real piece of work. When someone inquires about her in another post, you repeat what you read in the review. But you are missing a vital piece of information: the other side of the story. Maybe if the provider could share her side of the story, she would explain that the client showed up late, tried to negotiate her prices, had terrible breath, shoved his tongue down her throat, and was too big to engage in various positions. I know someone out there is thinking, “Then why be a sex worker?” Because obviously the majority of experiences are not like this. If they were, I would have quit after the first week. The majority of my dates are genuinely enjoyable. But this kind of experience happens too, and no one gets to read that side of the story. Instead, other rude, smelly guys chime in, stating they had a similar experience with her, and how hard it is to find a good girl in this area.
Many people fail to realize that quality of service is often correlated with the attitude and behavior of the customer. Is that fair? Maybe not, but that’s the reality of the situation. Take a restaurant for example – a polite customer may receive better service, free “extras” and more smiles from a waitress than a rude demanding customer. In the escort world, the phrase YMMV – your mileage may vary – describes this phenomenon. It means that a provider may do things with one client that she won’t do with another. I have seen it used in a negative way to imply inconsistency from providers. It can be used as a warning: “hopefully you will catch her on a good day”; or take on a more sinister implication, “hopefully you will catch her when she is more desperate [so she is more willing to do whatever you want]”. I would argue that every provider is YMMV – we are humans, not machines. Of course our comfort level, boundaries, and willingness to engage in certain activities will change depending on who we are with, especially when our field of service involves sharing our bodies intimately with another person. Also keep in mind that we are talking about bodies, and bodies are not always predictable. Just because a provider squirted during one session doesn’t mean she is able to do it during every session. YMMV doesn’t only apply to providers, it applies to clients too. To all the guys reading this: I’m sure there are some providers you are comfortable going down on and others you are not. You may feel comfortable having one provider give you a prostate massage but not another. Instead of YMMV meaning, “her service is inconsistent”, it should be a reminder that someone else’s experience could be totally different from yours– not just because of the provider, but because of you as well!
What about “no” reviews that warn of dangerous situations: robberies, scams, stings, etc.? The anonymity of reviews makes it hard to tell which reviews are accurate and which ones aren’t. Even assuming that a “respected” member of a review board reports a potentially dangerous situation, it doesn’t necessarily stop other members from taking the plunge. How many times have you seen multiple reports of robberies starring the same thief? I do think clients should be able to communicate and protect themselves from thieves and scam artists. When a provider breaches the trust bestowed upon her, it follows that her request not to be reviewed is moot. However, take anything you read on a review board with a grain of salt, and use common sense. A sudden report of a bad behavior from an otherwise respected companion could indicate a change in her situation and trustworthiness; it could also indicate a vindictive client. An unavoidable aspect of being a provider is setting boundaries and weeding out the bad eggs. The bad eggs generally do not appreciate this. Even the biggest cowards feel brave when they are anonymous behind a keyboard.
Perhaps now you are beginning to understand why a provider would request to not be reviewed, and why reviews may not be all that useful for clients. But is she justified in this request? Sex work is a service industry, does it follow that it should be inherently subject to reviews, like a restaurant? I would argue that while they are both service industries, there are several crucial differences between reviewing a restaurant and reviewing an escort. A restaurant is a legal business that can advertise without fear of legal repercussions. Sex work is not legal in this country, and exposing a companion’s location or other sensitive info could potentially compromise her freedom – and yours. Restaurants are able to read and respond to their reviews, allowing them to clarify misunderstandings and act on constructive criticism. Since providers aren’t allowed to read or respond to reviews, they have little to no value as tools for improvement. A restaurant allows anyone wearing a shirt, shoes, and a mask to receive service. Meeting a companion typically involves a screening and vetting process; but not everyone is not allowed inside. Patronizing a restaurant is generally an emotionally neutral activity. Escorts deal with the delicate realm of people’s bodies, emotions, secrets, and sexuality, and there is always the potential for rejection and hurt feelings. This exposes sex workers to a greater likelihood of receiving fake or exaggerated reviews from men who have been rejected, blacklisted, or are unable to take accountability for the role they play in their bad experiences.
So if a provider advertises on the internet, does she automatically open herself up to reviews? After all, isn’t she putting herself out there? When a companion advertises her services, it is on her own terms. She determines what information should be public and what information should stay private to keep herself and her clients safe. She also has the ability to remove her ads. This differs from reviews, where the information exposed and the ability to remove it are completely out of her control. Having an ad should not make a provider any more subject to unwanted public discussion than having a “hobby” related social media should make a client subject to unwanted public discussion. It comes down to respect. A good provider protects her clients’ privacy and need for discretion; a good client does the same for her.
Isn’t a review just one client giving a reference to others, similarly to how providers give references to each other? Keep in mind that a provider asks another provider for a reference at the client’s request, unlike a review which is usually published anonymously and often without permission. References are kept private between providers in order to preserve clients’ confidentiality. Reviews are posted publicly, and often violate a provider’s confidentiality. The purpose of a reference is to determine if a client is safe. A review is not required to include information regarding safety, and often derails into the territory of erotica and speculation about aspects of the provider’s life that have nothing to do with her job or her service.
So maybe I am justified in having a “no review policy”. But can I enforce it? If I request to not be reviewed, do people have to honor that request? The answer is no. I know that I cannot force anyone to comply with a “no review policy”. I certainly do not expect review boards to take my wishes into account (lol). Of course I cannot stop you from posting a review. That doesn’t mean there won’t be potential consequences to your actions. When someone turns our private experience into fodder for internet commentary, it indicates to me that they are okay with having all the details of our encounter being made public. Take that as you will. It also goes without saying that when someone disregards my no review policy, I will disregard their request to see me again. If you feel that access to the exaggerated and possibly fabricated details of other anonymous men’s sex lives is worth the price of never seeing me again, go for it. I can’t stop you.
When I first implemented a “no review” policy, I was worried it would negatively impact my business. Would I get less bookings? How would potential clients know I’m “legit”? I have found that the opposite is true: my business and client base as a whole have improved. I do not credit these positive changes solely on my “no review policy”; however, it indicates to me that respectful, generous, safety conscious clients are capable of finding me without reviews. With the rise of Twitter and other social media as advertising platforms, prospective clients have a window into companions’ lives in real time and can determine who they would like to see based on the provider’s presentation of herself rather than an anonymous and possibly fictional account of her. Of course, it’s also possible for scammers to present themselves in a good light for a short period of time. But most scammers and thieves are born out of desperation, and it doesn’t take long for their charade to crumble.
While reviews may increase a companion’s business opportunities and provide information to clients, overall they cause more harm than good. The anonymous, subjective, and one-sided nature of reviews creates the potential for them to be fabricated, biased, and incomplete. This diminishes their value as a safety tool for clients. Reviews are not necessarily useful in determining what activities a companion allows or how she will interact with each client. The personal nature of sex work and the demeanor of each individual client results in different experiences for different people. Inaccurate reviews have the potential to disproportionately damage or inflate providers’ reputations. Companions are denied the access to read or respond to their reviews, preventing them from clarifying misinformation and learning from constructive criticism. Reviews expose sensitive details such as the provider’s location, which can endanger her safety as well as the safety of her clients.
Perhaps what is most frustrating about reviews is that they transform what was assumed to be a private experience into a free-for-all for an anonymous peanut gallery. We are all adults. I would hope we are above the juvenile behavior of sharing our sexual encounters with others for validation and pats on the back. All of this being said, these are my personal opinions. They do not apply to every provider. Some providers welcome reviews or are indifferent to their existence. So, before you spill the beans about your latest sexual encounter, ask the provider if she is comfortable being reviewed. Of course, it is your prerogative to do whatever you want. It is also our prerogative to not see you again. Choose wisely.