A hooker’s analysis of Pretty Woman

Some of you may be surprised to learn that despite being a 90’s child and a sex worker I had never seen the cult classic “Pretty Woman”. Until last week, when I was surfing though channels and stumbled upon a late-night airing of the 1990 romantic comedy starring Julia Roberts and Richard Gere; and featuring the tagline “She walked off the street, into his life, and stole his heart”. Excuse me while I roll my eyes. While I can understand how perhaps this movie could be considered funny, sweet, and romantic by the average person who has little to no real-life exposure to sex work, as an actual hooker, I watched with a kind of horrified fascination as stereotypes and misconceptions about sex work were twisted into a less than believable tale of sin and redemption. It gave me a better understanding of how movies like ‘Pretty Woman” validate stigmas about sex workers that affect us long after the credits have rolled.   

I have a confession to make, which is that I did not catch the movie at the beginning. I started about 20 minutes in, where Vivian (Julia Roberts), a down on her luck young sex worker, has been picked up by Edward (Richard Gere), an ambitious successful businessman who was just dumped by his girlfriend. They are back at his hotel room, and she is laying on the floor, delightedly laughing at a rerun of I Love Lucy. She is portrayed as sexy and desirable, but with an air of childlike innocence that makes it hard to imagine her standing on street corners and getting into men’s cars. When she catches him staring at her, she turns down the volume and sits on his lap, staring seductively into his eyes. “What do you want?”  she breathes. She then informs him of her one “rule” – no kissing on the mouth. Passion ensues.

The next shot opens with Edward quietly making his way to the bathroom so as not to wake a sleeping Vivian, who is passed out cold. Now, I’m not saying I’ve never gotten sleepy after a late-night rendezvous, or maybe even dozed off for a couple minutes with a client after a particularly satisfying session. However, I cannot imagine being so oblivious to my surroundings as to fall asleep in a strange hotel room next to a strange man for an entire night as if I am in my own bed.

      In the morning she joins Edward for breakfast, where he informs her that he has taken the liberty of ordering everything on the menu because he isn’t sure what she likes. Perhaps a sweet gesture, if not slightly patronizing and wasteful. As she eats her croissant, she chews with her mouth open, sits on the table, and acts in a manner that shows she is not very cultured, but in a charming kind of way because it’s Julia Roberts. The message here is that a sex worker couldn’t possibly have manners or know how to conduct herself in an upper-class environment. Edward then offers her the use of his bathtub before she leaves; and the next shot is off Vivian in the bathtub, eyes closed, singing along to Prince on the Walkman. She appears pretty comfortable and at ease considering she is in a stranger’s hotel room, and also off the clock.

       Edward walks in on her solo performance, appears charmed, and makes her the offer of a lifetime: he wants to book her for the week. She warns him, “It’s going to cost you,” and he gives her a bemused smile. After all, he is a rich, successful businessman, and she is a street walker. She quotes him the price of $4,000 (which is the equivalent of $8,000 today). He counters with an offer of $2,000, reminding her that her nightly price is $300 a night. So basically, he is trying to book her for the week and only pay her nightly rate, hoping she is foolish or desperate enough to accept. For a man who does billion-dollar deals, it hardly seems that 4k would have been a drop in the bucket for him. Unperturbed by his negotiation, she replies, “Yes, but you want days too”. He raises his offer to $3,000 and she happily accepts, apparently not minding that she will only be receiving an extra $100 ($200 today) for an additional 12 hours of her time. When he leaves for work she jumps on the bed, ecstatic that she is about to make money than she has ever seen before. One would assume from this scene that sex workers are happy to negotiate their rates, and that they can easily be bought without questions if the amount is more than they are used to making. Apparently, the key is to offer them half of what they are asking, and then settle on a price in the middle.

        I also found it strange that Vivian had no qualms about spending the week with a complete stranger after they had settled on a price. She appeared unconcerned with boundaries or what her time with this man would entail. Edward, however, makes it quite clear what he expects of her, which is primarily for her to accompany him to business dinners and social functions. This was not very believable to me. Edward is portrayed as a competent businessman: smart, successful, and maybe a bit ruthless. He is so devoted to his work that he barely sleeps. Yet he decides to bring a rough-around-the-edges hooker with him to his social functions and important business dinners, despite being aware that she lacks the etiquette to conduct herself in high society. I suppose it’s believable that a man of his stature could be amused and refreshed by such a socially naïve young woman – behind closed doors. But to hire her as his date to critical business dealings and social functions where his reputation is on the line? Not very likely.

Vivian makes a phone call to her drug-using hooker friend, Kit, her mentor and roommate in the filthy motel room they share.  (Vivian, of course, does not have any bad habits, besides sleeping with men for money.) Kit congratulates her on scoring such a big date, and tells her where to go to buy the elegant dress she’ll need to accompany Edward to social functions. After walking into a high-end dress shop donned in her hooker garb and being snubbed by the saleslady, a frantic Vivian returns to Edward’s hotel and is counseled by Barney, the hotel manager. She presents him with a huge wad of crumpled up bills and explains that she doesn’t know where to go to buy a fancy dress. He informs her that normally women of her profession are not allowed in his hotel, but because Edward is such a good customer, he will make an exception.

       Barney coaches her on proper dining etiquette and even calls another dress shop to make special arrangements for her to get a dress.  This dress saleswoman apparently deals with sex workers all the time. When Vivian says of Edward, “He isn’t really my uncle”, the shop lady replies, “They never are, dear”. I suppose I have never tried this so I can’t say for sure, but if I accompanied a client to Victoria’s Secret and whispered to a sales rep, “He’s not really my uncle,” I’m not sure I would get the same accepting and charmed reaction. And for someone who claims, “the things that happen in other hotels don’t happen in my hotel,” Barney certainly invests quite a bit of energy in making sure that Vivian feels at home in his. I’m quite confident that if I walked up to the desk of a local hotel wearing a revealing dress with handfuls of wadded up cash and claimed I needed help buying a nice outfit, they would probably call the police.

        Over the next few scenes, Vivian accompanies Edward to fancy dinners and social functions. “Hilarity” ensues as she is clearly unaware of how to behave in high society; but she manages to scrape by, thanks to a paternal Edward covering her faux pas and his business associates being charmed by her blunders. One night after dinner she confesses to Edward that when she is working, she’s like a robot and doesn’t feel anything. “Except when I’m with you, of course,” she quickly amends. He smiles, and it is clear that he realizes that she is only saying that because she feels she has to. This shows how comfortable she has already become with Edward; she is beginning to consider him a friend rather than a client after spending a mere couple days with him. It is unclear whether or not Edward has spent time with sex workers before; regardless I can imagine that most men would not be charmed to hear that the companion they have booked for the week feels like a robot. Edward quips, “You and I are quite the same, we both screw people for money”. This is supposed to be an unexpected twist - a successful businessman and a hooker have something in common, oh my!

       Over the next several days it appears that Vivian breaks free from feeling like a “robot”, fully letting her guard down as she begins to fall in love with Edward. They share a bath, and she tenderly washes him while he confesses all his deep dark secrets. This was one of the only scenes of the movie that I found even partially realistic. From my experience, many men do feel comfortable sharing their secrets with sex workers; I’m guessing because our business operates on discretion and we are an objective third party that is not entangled in their real life. However, not all men divulge their secrets to escorts; and given Edward’s character I found it hard to swallow that after a couple days he let his guard down and began to regard Vivian as a friend rather than a paid companion.

        I am not saying that sex workers and clients can never develop a friendship of sorts, or genuinely enjoy each other’s company. And of course, it is possible for a provider and a client to hit it off right away, it’s certainly happened to me. However, there is a huge difference between a GFE (girlfriend experience) and a girlfriend.  When I am “Ms. Karen”, I am on my best behavior. I am attentive to the gentleman’s desires and fantasies. I am upbeat, engaged, and enthusiastic. Likewise, most gentlemen are on their best behavior when they visit a provider.  They are well-groomed, polite, and affectionate. It is kind of like a long-distance relationship, where lovers are always thrilled to see each other because they aren’t together every day.

       When you are actually in a relationship with someone, the reality is that both people are not always on their best behavior. In her real life, an escort may not wear sexy lingerie or even want to have sex on a daily basis. She may pee with the door open, snore in her sleep, and have “off” days like everyone does.  The client who is complimentary, showers me with gifts, and neatly folds his clothes at my incall may be a total slob at home, forget his wife’s birthday and drink too much. This movie seems to disregard that possibility entirely, nurturing the fantasy that if a provider and a client have a great time together, they have the potential to transition seamlessly to a healthy relationship. And while it is possible that sex workers may end up dating their clients in real life, it is by no means the norm in my experience. A client professing the urge to date me after a couple of visits is a red flag rather than a fantasy from my perspective.

      The second half of the film was full of contradictions and more stereotypes. Edward takes Vivian to a polo event, where she coyly tells the high society ladies that she isn’t trying to date Edward, she’s merely with him for the sex. Edwards then tells his lawyer, Phil, that Vivian is an escort. Phil makes unwanted passes at her; and Vivian is furious that Edward revealed her profession to him. Yet she had no qualms outing herself to the hotel manager, the dress saleswoman, or the ladies at the polo match.  She storms out, and when Edward offers her money, she refuses it. Apparently now Vivian does not want to be “treated like a hooker”, which implies that perhaps there is something dirty and shameful about being paid for your companionship by a man you admire.

       Vivian convinces Edward to take time away from his hectic work schedule, and the two spend the day falling in love. They lay in each other’s arms in the park while he reads her Shakespeare. It’s hard to believe that less than a week before they were strangers. Of course, she breaks her only rule and kisses him on the mouth, signifying that she has developed feelings for him.  Edward offers to buy Vivian an apartment to get her off the streets, which I found patronizing considering that she had earned the equivalent of $6,000 that week. Couldn’t she afford her own apartment now? She refuses his offer, not because she has her own money and is independent but because she wants a fairy-tale prince, not a sugar daddy. She doesn’t want his money, she wants his heart.

        Drama ensues when Phil intrudes into Edward’s hotel room to find Vivian by herself. He admonishes her for calling the hotel “home” and reminds her that she is a whore, not Edward’s wife or girlfriend. He tries to touch her legs and when she refuses his advances, he attacks her. Of course, Edward swoops in at the last minute and prevents anything bad from happening. (Too bad timing like this doesn’t happen often in the real world). Vivian then confesses to Edward that she doesn’t want to be an escort anymore, she wants to be in a relationship with him (implying of course, that those options are mutually exclusive). Edward regretfully admits that he can’t be her Prince Charming, and pays her for the time she spent with him.  As she goes to leave, he changes his mind and asks her to spend the night again – this time not for money, but because she wants to. Since he has already told her that he can’t be her fairy-tale prince, she refuses his offer and leaves.

       The hotel butler drives her back to the filthy motel room she shares with Kit, and we see a different side to Vivian. Gone is the scandalous dress and the wild hair. Instead, Vivian wears a conservative suit jacket and neat low ponytail, symbolizing that she is now a respectable woman. She tells Kit about her plans to return to San Francisco, finish high school, and make something of herself. Now that she knows what it feels like to be in love, she couldn’t possibly keep working as an escort. A week in the company of the right man has cured her of her “rebellion” and she is ready to return to proper society.

      Meanwhile, Edward is mulling over the whole situation. Helpful as always, Barney slyly tells Edward that the hotel butler drove Vivian home, implying that if he wants to find out where she lives, he can. There’s a great lesson right there - if a provider refuses to spend the night with you for free, but you feel like there’s something deeper between the two of you, it’s acceptable to ask the man who drove her home where she lives. In real life if a client asked a driver where I lived so that he could show up at my residence unannounced, he would be blacklisted, not welcomed with open arms. But this is, after all, a Hollywood movie.

         And of course, Vivian gets her fairy-tale ending. Just as she gives away all her hard-earned money to her friend Kit and is about to leave for San Francisco, Edward pulls up with the sunroof down, an umbrella in one hand and a bouquet of roses in the other. She appears thrilled to see him. He climbs the fire escape in his expensive suit, bouquet between his teeth, and she rushes into his arms. It is clear: they will live happily ever after, despite only knowing each other for a week and coming from completely different worlds.  Believe it or not, I have had a client climb my fire escape before, and as you may imagine, my reaction was less than thrilled.

   We also get a final look at Kit, who snaps her gum as she coaches a newfound roommate and protégé, “You’ve gotta have a plan, you can’t turn tricks forever”. Although Kit is now contemplating a plan for life after escorting, her heavy makeup, drug use, and cheap demeanor make her a disheartening juxtaposition for the sweet, wholesome, and promising Vivian. Or maybe she just hasn’t found the right man to save her yet. (cont. below)

     “Pretty Woman” endorses the fantasy that while an affable, slightly clueless young woman may wander astray and end up as a hooker, as soon as she meets her Prince Charming, her financial problems will disappear and she will return to mainstream society. The decision to be a sex worker is portrayed as little more than a rebellious phase a young woman may go through; and the transition to beginning and ending sex work is quick and easy with few consequences involved.  In reality this is often far from the truth. For me, it took months if not years to adjust to sex work, with many hard lessons learned along the way. I am equally sure that retiring from my role as a companion will take time, preparation, and planning. The movie left this out of the narrative, making it appear as if the decision to be an escort is as inconsequential as the decision of what color to dye your hair.

     I found the characters in this film to be fairly one dimensional and somewhat unrelatable.. Edward is the epitome of a modern-day Prince Charming– he is handsome, rich, kind, and smart; his only flaws are that he works too much and is afraid to let his guard down.  I wonder how his character would have been received if he was overweight, middle-class, or not traditionally handsome. Would he still be regarded as a Prince, or just a creepy old man? In reality, many of my clients are significantly older than me and don’t look anything like Richard Gere, but I couldn’t care less. I am more interested in their character and personality than their age or looks; and most providers I know echo the same sentiment.

      The circumstances regarding Vivian’s financial situation did not make much sense either. According to the story, Vivian began turning tricks after failed relationships brought her to L.A. and she was unable to make ends meet. At the end of the movie when she decides to retire, she generously donates all her earnings to her troubled friend Kit; which is symbolic of her “cleansing” herself of the “dirty money” she earned as a hooker. It made me wonder: if she started escorting because she couldn’t pay her bills, how is she going to support herself now? Or will she simply rely on her white knight to take care of her? Although it is explicit that by the end of the movie she only wants Edward’s money and support if they are a couple; and not on a provider and client basis. Perhaps a more realistic and uplifting ending (to me, anyways!) would have been Vivian using her hard-earned money to fund the next chapter of her life.

       The movie seems to waffle back and forth on whether being a sex worker is socially acceptable, and lands on the message that as long as you are only doing it for a brief time, it is quirky, adventurous, and even somewhat charming. Vivian is met with knowing, sympathetic smiles when she confesses to the hotel manager, the dress saleswoman, and high society ladies at the polo game that she is a “pay for play” companion. Yet my personal experience has been wildly different, and many sex workers face stigma in all aspects of life for their choice of work; sometimes even from doctors, therapists, and social workers, who are all supposed to be non-judgmental.

        While I understand that “Pretty Woman” was meant to be a romantic comedy and not a realistic portrayal of sex work, there are certainly people who mistake the stereotypes in this movie for reality. The idea that sex work is a less desirable alternative to a relationship is a pervasive misconception that I have encountered in my own life. Some people erroneously assume that being an escort and being in a relationship are mutually exclusive – I couldn’t possibly do both at the same time. The truth is that being a sex worker is not synonymous with “being single” , “playing the field”, or a means of finding the right man. In fact, I would wager that most sex workers are not looking for a life partner in their clients any more than a waitress is looking for a life partner in her dinner patrons or a nurse is looking for a life partner in her patients. Sex work is a job, a means of supporting oneself and not an alternative to Match.com. It also doesn’t hold true that a woman must choose between being an escort and being a girlfriend or wife. Retirement is not necessarily a pre-requisite to a happy and healthy committed relationship.

I cannot count the number of times I have been reassured, “Someday you will meet the right man and won’t have to do this anymore”, implying that I must be an escort out of necessity rather than choice; and as soon as I find a man to support me, I won’t have to do it anymore. Applying this concept to other jobs sounds ridiculous. Can you imagine telling a female doctor, “Someday you will meet the right man and won’t have to do this anymore” ? Why should sex work be any different? Believe it or not, there are many reasons why a lady may choose sex work as a profession. Personally, as a nurturer and an empath I find it rewarding to make people feel better, similar to my previous job as a nurse but with a much bigger paycheck! I also enjoy the benefits of running my own business, such as freedom, autonomy, and creativity.

         The independence and financial stability I enjoy as a provider are in sharp contrast to Vivian in “Pretty Woman”, who is portrayed as struggling for money and not capable of doing very much for herself. It is only after she meets Edward and consequently decides to retire from sex work that she makes the decision to return to school. This supports the stereotype that sex workers are stagnant and lost until they find the right man to guide and save them. It also illustrates the misconception that all escorts entered the business as a last resort due to lack of education, intelligence, or other job opportunities. Some clients are surprised to discover I have a bachelor’s degree, a savings account, and goals for my future. Many sex workers are college graduates, entrepreneurs, and attaining their dreams on their own volition. The scene where Vivian tearfully urges her friend to “realize her potential” suggests that until she finds a job other than sex work, Kit will always live in a filthy motel room and scrape by day to day. I, too, have been informed by well-meaning clients, “I wish you would realize your potential,” as if my choice of work negates my intelligence and ambition. Others assume that someone else must have created my website and written my ad for me, as if it is difficult to believe that an escort could be smart. In reality, many sex workers are financially stable, own their own homes, run a second business, and live relatively “normal” lives.

         I have been recruited by well-meaning “mentors”, and promised that under their guidance, I could become a successful Onlyfans creator, make six figures, and “not have to do dates anymore”. (Who says I have to do dates now, or that I don’t like doing them??) One Prince Charming with a penchant for photography (but no portfolio to speak of) promised to transform me from a lowly hooker to a successful model! “I want to capture you in a light no one thinks to see. Not as a vulnerable girl to fuck, but as an elegant creature” (yep, that’s a real quote). Gee, thanks.  Ironically the heroes offering these chances of a lifetime are likely not making six figures themselves, and often know less than I do about internet marketing, running a business, or creating a personal brand. Yet this unsolicited attempt at “help” stems from the misguided belief that with some proper male attention and guidance, a hooker can be saved from her miserable existence.

        This movie sells the fantasy that the line between “business” and “pleasure” is blurry and easily crossed.  That’s not to say that just because sex work is a business rather than a dating tool that I don’t enjoy myself or meet gentlemen whom I genuinely find to be smart, kind, interesting, and funny. However, over the years I have learned that toeing the line between my business life and my personal life can result in disaster. Do I have clients that I could imagine as potential mates had I met them in a different setting?  Sure. However, it can be very difficult to transition a relationship from professional to personal. I would also propose that while it is possible for a provider and a client to develop romantic feelings for each other, it would likely take much longer than a week or two for both parties to feel comfortable pursuing a relationship off the clock. A client professing his love for me after a couple of days or even weeks would feel more like a red flag than the start of a fairy-tale romance.

       I’ll admit, sometimes it is nice to escape reality and drift off to a fantasy world, where fairy tales come true and everyone lives happily ever. In this case, I found it hard to buy into the fantasy, although it was certainly entertaining if not slightly exasperating to see common stereotypes about sex work strung together into a fantastical Hollywood romance. Given the legal status and pervasive stigma surrounding sex work in real life, I suppose I cannot blame the general public for not knowing the difference between fantasy and reality when it comes to this realm. However, I encourage anyone who wants to truly understand and support sex workers to turn off the movies and open their minds and eyes to reality. A great place to start would be consuming material created by actual sex workers: blogs, books, podcasts, etc. Be open to the idea that you may not know or understand as much as you think you do. Thanks for reading, and thanks to all of my wonderful clients, followers, and friends who are willing to accept me as exactly as I am 😊  

Xo Karen

A special thank you to @TheBuffaloon for assistance with editing and graphics. Your work is appreciated!